Do What Sets Your Soul On Fire
I have loved fashion ever since I could remember. I loved to dress up and inspect the inside of clothes; I found the construction fascinating. So, as a child in my mind I would one day grow old and live in the countryside miles away from the city and have a huge sewing room to myself to create pieces. Needless to say my parents did not believe that was the most stable career. So I decided I would become a lawyer or an engineer and make all the money I needed and use my newly created fortune to start my own clothing line and become a household name like Chanel or something.
Great play right? Sadly to say I forgot to consider all the external factors that would come against me: parents, friends, school, boyfriends… well you get the picture. Everything around me told me that Fashion Design was not the way to go and I believe them.
I am not placing blame here. Don’t get me wrong, I had supporters- though few; but when you are unsure of yourself and what you really want. No amount of supporters can get you out of your funk. I realized blaming anyone including your self is an excuse to not do anything. You are too busy telling yourself how much you screwed up, how you don’t deserve anything and let’s not forget how humiliated you will be when everyone finds out you dropped the ball.
We all make mistakes, heck I’ve made a whole lot of mistakes and still making them but I’ve learned my mistakes teach me lessons, they aren’t suppose to cripple me. I am not supposed to remain in disappointment wallowing in my mess. Failing is part of the process. Do we ever scold a baby for falling 50 times on his behind before taking his first step?
So, I never went to a fashion design school and even better I never became a lawyer or an engineer as my parents wanted. I did nothing I spoke of. I was too afraid to fully commit to anything. I was afraid, yes.
Fear is crippling. It’s suffocating.
Though I was running from everything that got my adrenaline going, when it all came crashing down I ended right back to where my love was –Fashion.
I couldn’t afford to pay for Fashion school because I spent my college career pursuing something I knew was a filler.
Okay? Not a complete filler, I did enjoy my major very much, it opened my eyes to various cultures and how the world ran. My parents on the other end not soo much. I think they were so happy I graduated and didn’t drop out to even worry about the details of what I actually learned.
I learn to sew on my own. Those were some interesting nights, needless to say. I studied fashion history and style as if it was air that I needed to survive. I am not an expert, but I am getting better everyday. Every time I work on a piece, I get this unexplainable feeling that is so liberating. I can just jump out of my chair.
I am not telling you to quit everything you are doing but I am saying that there is a freedom that comes with doing that thing that sets your soul on fire.
Don’t be afraid to commit to You. You commit to everything else. Its okay if you fail on the 1st, 2nd , 3rd …trial but whose counting?
My dirty little secret; after sewing by hand and testing pieces I finally gather enough courage to buy my first sewing machine. After a long afternoon and night, I was so frustrated with my machine; I returned it the next day. Needless, to say I had to face the return clerk when she asked, “What’s wrong with it?” The only response I could fester was, “I don’t know. I think it doesn’t like me. It won’t work.”
She chuckled, but I was so serious.
I finally step out and attempt my first baby step and I fell on my butt and it hurt. I shed tears that night and on the ride back home. Maybe my parents were right, I can’t live off this. I can’t even use a sewing machine.
Here I am 3 years late, I own 4 sewing machines and yes I went and bought that same sewing machine that sent me home crying like a baby. And guess what? I used it with no problems. It will remain with me forever lol as a reminder. The first garment I made using that machine, I cried because I realized that passion doesn’t equate to easy. And when you tap into your soul's desires, you will experience a gut wrenching reaction unlike any other. Your needle will break, your bobbin will jam and your finger will get cut. But it’s all okay, it’s just the universe testing to see if you serious about what you say.
Decide with anything that you do, if all hell breaks loose, your friends stop calling, boyfriend breakups with you; will you still do that thing. How much are you willing to stand up against for the betterment of your soul?
As always, Peace, Love + Great Coffee .
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