You Are What You Believe
Believe is something so powerful but yet so fragile.
I spent the majority of 2016 trying to believe in one truth, “that I was capable”. I had heard it and at some point I knew with all of my being that I believed it but at some point through the years I could not help but feel as if what I once knew with all of my being was now like a faint memory.
As the days progressed, life happened, tragedy hit and I could not help but wonder if I ever understood what it meant to believe. The dictionary defines believe as “ having the confidence or faith in the truth, the existence, or the reliability of something.” All of which I did not have; to be frank I was sitting in a life I did not recognize with people who seemed foreign and a reflection of a person in the mirror I did not recognize.
All I kept hearing was “believe in yourself” and there I sat saying “what self?” I had to first recognize what that self looked like, talked like, dreamt of, envisioned, and so much more and at that point everything I saw was a big blur.
How do you deal when everyone around you sees something you don’t? I kept asking myself. Who am I? A question I know many have asked and for some are still asking and all I could hear was “ you are whomever you believe you are” . As I heard those words, I thought to myself. Great! More meditative words that leave me with no answers.
Frustration and disappointment overtook me. Hey, when you ask a deep question like that you are supposed to get some profound answers that sends you into realm of discovery, and brings forth nirvana and that prized “aha” moment. right -Lies!
Instead it left me staring at a tree in my backyard, questioning what the heck is the purpose of this tree that bares no fruit.
To believe is hard. It requires resistance, tenacity and perservance. From that incident I realized that we are so afraid of facing our true selves that our first innate instinct is to distract ourselves with something else. My distraction, the poor tree in my backyard which now offers shade in the heat of the sun. Not to mention, the 10,000 things I was trying to juggle, calling myself a "multi-tasker. I fail and failed epically.
No matter how much you distract yourself, plan and replan, help others and listen to 1000 speakers about finding your inner self. You will never come into who you are until you have the audacity to believe that there is a suffocating person living within you. You have to want it, you have to have the confidence in the existence of that person and rely on that person. Believing has everything to do with reliability; you only doubt because somewhere down the line, someone, something has told you are unreliable. Maybe that someone is you, or a family member perhaps it is the fictitious world you have created as a mechanism to stop trying.
Whatever, your Achilles heel is. Understand that belief is not having the right tools, techniques and/or the right people whispering in your ear. While that is all nice, believing is “having confidence in” something or someone. Confidence is something you build upon, you practice to improve daily.
I have confidence that you are capable. And you are able; the world is waiting for you to build up your confidence in you.
What are somethings you are using as a distraction to keep you from knowing your true self? Are you going through live just riding the waves or are you making purposeful and intentional moves to a better You?
-Peace, Love and Great Coffee!
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