I spent a large part of the past year, working on my internal being; really diving down to the nitty gritty. I had realized in 2016, I was truly not happy with the state I was in. A lot, had happened, I had lost some family members and my immediate family had to deal with my mom battling cancer.
While sickness, death are things that everyone I believe in one point or another will battle within in this lifetime. It was just not the right time. Down right selfish right, I know. But I couldn't help but thing not one more thing.
But that is another story for another article.
Limiting..... beliefs. We hear it often and it's even a bit scary. It sounds nice but the battle is finding or at least seeking 'what is it that I actually believe and how real are those beliefs.
Many things we have been groomed to believe or accept. It is not by our own doing; they are simply things we do, believe or live by because it is engrain in us. Frankly, we don't ever question them.
My entire world seemed to lack something, it was almost like I was living in an alternated reality. I recognized the faces the scenarios but so much of what was happening seem so out of place. Much of what I felt inside was conflict. Periods of peace and connectivity like any other and then extreme turmoil and conflict.
It was as if two forms of me were battling each other for power.
Words I can not truly find to explain it. In moments of true clarity I knew something was not right and even found myself asking " why" do I believe this or that? Why do I do this? or am afraid to do that?
I had true friends who poured into me but yet I felt as if I was not able to fully pour into my relationships. Somewhere within me I felt incomplete. I was not living. I was not "being" me. I only on occasion felt "true being", and the remainder were just some facade, a duplicate or con.
In these periods of being, there is an energy unlike any other, my work reflects it and I feel this immense connection to the world around me. It is in those periods that I feel most alive. I have no labels, or attachments to a persona or identity but yet I know who I am.
I wanted more of these moments. I decided to take a step back from everything and everyone and really face myself in the mirror, literally and figuratively. Looking in the mirror is hard. You began to strip yourself of so much and it is hard because this "Self" we've created — have been given will fight tooth and nail to live in this state of protectiveness.
The first time I barely lasted 5 minutes. Its completely different when you are looking beyond the physical. We can not handle being naked even when we are alone. We are forced to do the work. Work is hard, its demanding and most importantly it is tough. Getting wine out of a grape is no easy process.
We are currently in 2019 and I am still pressing the wine out. But can you imagine undoing decades of work in a couple of years.
Your growth will not come easy. In fact I can guarantee you it will be hard– difficult even but the reward far supersedes the work.
Take it step by step:
Love to hear your thoughts on limiting beliefs. What are somethings that have kept you from moving on and living the life you have always wanted?
Peace, love and Great Coffee!