Navigating Your Reference Points : How to deal when things break in your life?
When we decide to make changes in our lives, we are usually pushed. Whether it’s a breakup or getting laid off from a job - we experience ‘breaking points’ in our lives. And sometimes those breaks begin to crack down the walls we've built for comfort.
It often feels like the world is closing in. We panic, we cry, and we try to figure it all out. And it took me 27 years to realize, life does this to get our attention.
We don’t recognize what happy looks like because haven’t taken the chance to find out what happy looks like for us. And life is looking to capture our attention, hey you there's more to this. While those cracks and breaks hurt, we must make room for them, we must transition.
And I wanted to share with you a breaking point that made my transition smoother. I stopped fighting what I couldn't control and changed my reference point.
A reference point is a range of perception that indicates something is “under control”. We all have a reference point for our relationships, finances, lifestyles, beliefs, etc. I called them - the breathing room.
This is where we say things are under-control. For example, if you know your bills are $1500.00 a month when you're making $3K without any incidences - every thing is under-control. But what happens when you have an emergency for 2K, you're monthly bill starts to scream - we've passed our reference level. You start to choke up and being to feel like things are too much.
And that's where I was. Things are too much. I couldn't handle the changes in my life. I couldn't find the reference point that felt like things were 'under control'.
Then I decided to make a change in the way I saw my cracks. I began to accept what I couldn't control - so my lack of control means things are under-control. In that moment, I didn't feel like I had to carry the weight of the world anymore.
I had to show up with the fullness of Lovely. And because I shifted my mind that the point of reference is 'are you present and are you growing in this? versus trying to control the narrative. I realized that my assurance and my point of reference isn't in what's happening. It's knowing I am in abundance. When life cracks, it's an opportunity for me to feel, to be present, or to grow. No longer do I seek a point of reference of me trying to control what's outside of me. I seek to master my perceptions and outlook. For nothing is as good as you becoming you, nothing.
Embrace the crack, refine your point of reference, and know it’s okay to start over again.
Keep in touch with Lovely via Instagram: @lovelymerdelus